Back to the Beginning

In about two days, I'll be a student again. It seems like teaching was a million years away. I can't quite come to grips with it. I was at a college campus on Tuesday and these two freshmen walked up and started talking to me. At first the conversation was normal until I was hit with the overwhelming realization that 6 months ago I would've been their teacher. That makes me... old. This week has been one to-do list after the other and, as much as I fight the irreversable fact that the younger version of me is off in some distant universe, the truth is that with each passing day I'm walking one step closer to nose-hairs and potbellies (these being my biggest two reasons why I never want to be old).

And I guess being a student makes the whole aging process a bit more... complicated. As a 23-year old, I struggle to stay awake past 10 o'clock without three cups of that liquid gold we mortals have dubbed "coffee". All-nighters are definitely something that I need to leave in yesteryear. Some things will be different (finding some way to juggle school and life) while others undoubtedly will be the same.

With school gawking at me from right around the corner, a lot of memories have come flooding back. I can laugh and remember how terrified/nervous/awkward I was during my first day of high-school. And a serious head-shake is warranted at the thought of how cool I tried to be in college... In hindsight, most of the times I tried to be cool (white-tees, rattails, afros, baggy pants, and FUBU) come off as embarrassingly corny. In fact, a trip home is definitely needed to destroy some of the evidence that these events actually took place (i.e. me having permanent residence on the sitting on the step). But I guess most of all I can look at harsh break-ups, rejection letters, failures, friendships and success from a different vantage point.

Lately I've been noticing how the root of bitterness destroys relationships within my own family and, maybe even more importantly, how it pollutes memories. Instead of the past being something we can laugh over, it becomes a justification for emotions. And I guess, like everything else, it all goes back to Adam and Eve (or... Eve cause it was all her fault right?). We could all hate Adam for messing up... everything. But then again, God had a plan in place to demonstrate his glory and his grace. Even though I find myself filled with it at times, I don't really believe in regret. It all depends on perspective.

Fight to believe that in your pursuit of God, the embarrassing, painful, surprisingly uncomfortable moments are displaying his amazing glory. The gospel transforms lives to the glory of a Risen King. He's not some evil kid with a magnifying glass trying to make our lives suck, there's a purpose to it all. Because if you don't have faith in his sovereignty, his purpose, his plan, his glory... at the end of the day what do you really have?

Moving Blues

A few weeks ago, the thought of owning a home didn’t make any sense in my feeble human mind. I mean, it’s like getting married and having kids… except without any of the perks. Owning a house also grants you the ridiculous ability to store, locate, and hoard an incomprehensible amount of junk.

But then last week happened and I was privileged to move from one apartment to the other (P.S. if you don’t know by now… if I ever use the word privileged I’m being sarcastic). Somehow this glorious event took me an entire week and it was here that I came to the irrevocable conclusion that moving sucks… a lot. Packing and unpacking, standing out in the blistering heat holding a box of glorified trash, and don’t even get me started on steps (who invented them and why!?!?). Yes, I hate moving.

Ironically, this serves as an easy spiritual metaphor for my life… kind of darned if you do, darned if you don’t. It’s been pretty evident that God is moving me from “teacher” to “missions (fingers crossed)”. And while I’m excited about the destination, I’m not really feeling the transition. As I told a friend earlier this week, I’ve been in full Israelite mode. In Exodus the Children of God begged Him to send them back into slavery because they were hating the journey even though they longed for the destination. They had been delivered, their prayers had been answered… and all they could do was wish that they had never prayed in the first place.

Perhaps, in some overly complicated and philosophical way that is far beyond my comprehension, the journey is necessary to prepare you for the destination. In my own life that means the being “financially constrained” (the politically correct way of saying that my life is being limited by a budget), flustered as to how I’ll balance school and work, and jobless is what I need right now. Ugh… that is definitely a tough pill to swallow but then again this life is a life of transitions. If our eternal destination is someplace else… won’t we always be in a constant state of flux?

At any rate, the juice will be worth the squeeze and, as I cram to prepare for Open Mic nights, prepare lessons for Adult Bible Fellowship, and master Greek and Ancient Hebrew… there’s comfort in that truth. Call it growing pains, moving blues, or transitional lamentations (I made that last one up J)… I just know with certainty that as much as I hate transitions and waiting… they’re both essentials and somehow exalt the King’s Glory. And in the end, isn’t that enough to help us suck it up and keep on walking?

Parting is Such Sweet Sorrow: Redemption

I don’t know what it is about Morgan Freeman that makes him utterly quotable… Maybe it’s the sound of his voice, or perhaps the fact that he’s always been old (think about it… have you ever seen him with a head of “non-gray” hair… my point exactly) either way it doesn’t matter:

Sometimes it makes me sad, though... [my friend] being gone. I have to remind myself that some birds aren't meant to be caged. Their feathers are just too bright. And when they fly away, the part of you that knows it was a sin to lock them up DOES rejoice. But still, the place you live in is that much more drab and empty that they're gone. I guess I just miss my friend.

- Shawshank Redemption

I was having a pretty bad day earlier this week until I received an email from a good friend and fellow servant of Christ in South Africa (ironically I was in the process of praying for his family when the email came through). For those of you who don’t know, I’ve had quite an itch for South Africa lately and have been chomping at the bit to go and spread the gospel over seas. The email told of a student’s letter that expressed that she was pretty bummed about the fact that all of her teachers (Me, Kevin & Teen.., etc.) would come and teach for a period of time and then return to the states. I guess her own words describe her feelings better than anything I could ever say: “Why do I always have to loose teacher, to me, who I love and teach me to do good…”

Over the past two years I’ve had the grace of meeting some really great people only for them to go off to distant corners of the globe. And that being said, I’ve been consistently hopscotching time zones myself. It definitely makes friendships… interesting. And don’t even get me started on South Africa…

I guess ultimately… the hardest part about trusting God is believing that whatever is going on right now is what you need to have going on right now… Assuming a person’s pursuing God, He’s promised to direct your path. It’s a matter of believing that His timing and ways are superior to yours and that He’s preparing you to glorify His name. Isn’t that the ultimate goal of all that we do? After all, weren’t we created for his glory? Yeah, waiting sucks… a lot. As friends drift into different time zones, loved one’s pass away, and employment overly complicates the already complex nature of life… I know it’s okay to miss distant friends and to look back fondly on the memories that have passed but our greatest hope always lies before us: spending eternity geeking at the feet of a Savior who loves us. But that being said… I guess sometimes I still just miss my friend(s).

Real Christianity

It’s been about a week and a half since my last post ☹. Sorry, I’ve been crazy busy lately. Kind of having a soapbox moment but before I get there I want to give yal a quick update on the life and times of Danny Hill.

I spent most of this past week preparing a Bible Talk for the Adult Bible Fellowship the church I go to here in Houston. It went pretty well.I’ve posted a link with the notes from it here. Hosea 11 is a beast. God really beat me up about it early in the week and I definitely had an embarrassing moment or two (insurance for humility…?) but overall God really used that time and to both touch me as well as the others that around me.

This past weekend the Goose to my Maverick (wait for it…) was packing up to leave Houston. He’s getting married and we got a chance to kick it before I left to go home for a bit. It’ll be weird to live in Houston sans one of the “realist” Christians I’ve met. Last night, in the epitome of emo moments, I read Paul’s farewell to the church in Ephesus and it really struck a chord with me. On one hand I’m geeked about him getting married and about God using this time to prepare him for missions, but on the other hand Houston and Philly are far as heck away and knowing that another good friend will be far away kind of sucks. Makes me yearn for Heaven.

At any rate, we went to Hunstville State Park (I’ll post a video later this week) and it was a blast. It looked more like Virginia than Texas (i.e. it was beautiful) and we spent about 4-5 hours hiking and talking about everything from theology to experiences in God. Halfway through the walk, we stopped and did some serious 1-on-1 time with the Creator of All and marveled at his creation. It was good to get away from the business of city life and really reflect on God, my sinfulness, and the grace that has been showered upon me. I also got a chance to see an armadillo.

Okay. SOAPBOX Moment: I’m extremely disappointed in the isolation that takes place in saints. Many times we’re so busy trying to perpetuate the image of “a good Christian” that we don’t share our struggles and our battles with each other. I understand that we don’t need to pity each other in our struggles with sin, but the Bible clearly states: “Confess your sins to one another”. We aren’t mercenaries or assassins; we’re a body, an army of saints. We fight together. How can I pray for you if you don’t tell me what you’re struggling with? How can I admonish you, rebuke you, correct you, or guide you in love if you hide your failures and shortcomings (didn’t Adam and Eve try to do this…)? I encourage Christians to treat each other as friends and family members and fight sin together. I need you/my fellow saints to call me out on my sin, encourage me in righteousness, yell at me to "man up", remind me of the blessings of Christ... etc. We were saved to community and created to need each other.

Do You See What I See?

"But you are a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him that called you out of darkness and into his wonderful light. Once you were not a people, but now you are the people of God; once you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy." 1 Peter 2:9-10

I left home and went away to college and loved it. I had the opportunity to start my life all over again and had left behind (or so I'd thought) all of the baggage of my hometown. I believed wholly and fully that I would be able to re-create myself in my new environment. In other words, this geeky nerd from the middle of no-where Michigan finally had the opportunity to become "cool". But of course, that came with a stipulation and there were certain things I would have to sacrifice for my new urge to be accepted.

What does the world see when it looks at you? The question struck me with an immense emphasis on Sunday. Often the world has been separated into two categories, those that know God and those that don't. The one's that truly know God act righteous but sometimes we have this tendency to look down on our nearsighted brethren. Believe it or not, us Christians actually forget that we are sinners saved by grace. But I'm getting onto another topic. In these two worlds, we get comfortable and forget the very concept of being one with Christ. The world looks at us and doesn't even notice us as we're coated in layers of camouflage.

So who should they see? Well 1 Peter clearly tells us that the pagans should see our good deeds and glorify God. In other words, our lives are supposed to reflect the very nature of God. The concept is heavy to say the least but we are his reflection, his chosen people. All of this means that people should be able to put their hope and trust in the God in us because our hearts should be his heart. We are ambassadors for Christ. We trust against all trust and hope against all odds. We cannot afford to be shaken by what we see because we trust in a God that is so far preparared, is so ahead of his time that our eyes aren't even equipped to see what he's already finished making. Our minds can't even comprehend the exceeding grace he has already poured out in our lives.

But can the world see this? Honestly, there are so many times in my own personal life that the answer has been a resounding no. I have invloved myself in situations which contradict my faith. But I guess that's why the apostle Paul died daily and calls us to do the same. We have to give our every fear, concern and question over to the comforter because if God's chosen people don't represent him... who will? Who will show the world redemption if the redeemed are too surrounded in darkness to do so? Light in the darkness implies that we shine or rather, that we allow Christ to shine through our lives and crucify our own selfish desires daily. This day, choose to show the world who God really is and how much he has in store for those who trust him.