Fast-Forwarded Memories

Pops

I was lying in bed and all I could think about is the marathon that I’m training for this upcoming month. I’m not really anxious about it. I guess it’s more the implications of running a marathon are hard for me to digest at the moment. This blog is a little more “open” than I’m normally comfortable being… but I guess there’s something to be said for transparency. Filling in the blanks would probably help you follow my train of thought.

I’ve always valued time with my dad. He’s a pretty cool dude. Not as cool as he thinks he is, nowhere near as cool as he remembers being, but still… a pretty cool dude. When I was sophomore in college my eyes kind of opened to the fact that time with him was valuable. He was getting really into weightlifting at the time and, since I was working in a research lab with him, I jumped on the bandwagon.  Getting stronger never really mattered to me. I just wanted to hang with my dad.

Then, he had surgery on the calcified lump on his shoulder. That kind of ended the whole weightlifting endeavor. So I started running. I figured, my dad had already run a marathon; it would be awesome if we could do something like that together. We started getting lofty ideas of running an Ironman and Triathlons… hilarious concepts in hindsight (did I mention that I can’t swim?). But then, knee surgery on his right knee and the doctor tells him running is a no-go. No more triathlons. No more Ironman. No more running period.

Everything is greener on the fairway

So of course since my dad loves golf, I try to pick up golf. Try is the key word here. We played a couple 18’s together. Not more than two because his knee never fully recovered and watching him limp up and down a green is not my idea of fun. He’s essentially been sidelined and in a few weeks the other knee is going to undergo surgery. Getting old sucks but watching Superman age is kind of brutal.

A few of my good friends have lost parents and I don’t know how they manage. Both of my ‘rents are still here and I’m already replaying my life on fast-forward thinking… As we age and as the loved one’s around us advance in years, faith is really put to the test. Do you really believe that they’re headed towards eternity? And if so, are you overjoyed at the fact that they’re about to be rushed into the presence of a Holy God? And doesn’t marriage just mean that I’ll be spending holidays with a family I barely know?

 It’s a hard pill to swallow… one that’s still stuck somewhere in the back of my throat. But the presence of God is the epitome of everything glorious and wonderful. A friend of mine says over and over that in heaven "we get God". I'd add to that the fact that in heaven, getting God makes everything so much better. No more goodbyes. No more sports injuries... just endless rejoicing.  For now all I know is that I’m fighting to rejoice in the fact that the relationships and reunions will be even more enhanced when we’re rejoicing in His kingdom.

Back to the Beginning

In about two days, I'll be a student again. It seems like teaching was a million years away. I can't quite come to grips with it. I was at a college campus on Tuesday and these two freshmen walked up and started talking to me. At first the conversation was normal until I was hit with the overwhelming realization that 6 months ago I would've been their teacher. That makes me... old. This week has been one to-do list after the other and, as much as I fight the irreversable fact that the younger version of me is off in some distant universe, the truth is that with each passing day I'm walking one step closer to nose-hairs and potbellies (these being my biggest two reasons why I never want to be old).

And I guess being a student makes the whole aging process a bit more... complicated. As a 23-year old, I struggle to stay awake past 10 o'clock without three cups of that liquid gold we mortals have dubbed "coffee". All-nighters are definitely something that I need to leave in yesteryear. Some things will be different (finding some way to juggle school and life) while others undoubtedly will be the same.

With school gawking at me from right around the corner, a lot of memories have come flooding back. I can laugh and remember how terrified/nervous/awkward I was during my first day of high-school. And a serious head-shake is warranted at the thought of how cool I tried to be in college... In hindsight, most of the times I tried to be cool (white-tees, rattails, afros, baggy pants, and FUBU) come off as embarrassingly corny. In fact, a trip home is definitely needed to destroy some of the evidence that these events actually took place (i.e. me having permanent residence on the sitting on the step). But I guess most of all I can look at harsh break-ups, rejection letters, failures, friendships and success from a different vantage point.

Lately I've been noticing how the root of bitterness destroys relationships within my own family and, maybe even more importantly, how it pollutes memories. Instead of the past being something we can laugh over, it becomes a justification for emotions. And I guess, like everything else, it all goes back to Adam and Eve (or... Eve cause it was all her fault right?). We could all hate Adam for messing up... everything. But then again, God had a plan in place to demonstrate his glory and his grace. Even though I find myself filled with it at times, I don't really believe in regret. It all depends on perspective.

Fight to believe that in your pursuit of God, the embarrassing, painful, surprisingly uncomfortable moments are displaying his amazing glory. The gospel transforms lives to the glory of a Risen King. He's not some evil kid with a magnifying glass trying to make our lives suck, there's a purpose to it all. Because if you don't have faith in his sovereignty, his purpose, his plan, his glory... at the end of the day what do you really have?

French Toasted...

Today was my second to last day of “home visit”... It’s been a complicated journey. On one hand, I definitely enjoy being around my family and A2 has some of the best food in the world (Shout out to BEEZY’S... BEST FRENCH TOAST EVER!!!). But at the same point and time, I’m here to help a good friend grieve the loss of his mother... How do you celebrate mother’s day when your brother is still writhing from the pain of losing his own? Yeah... complicated would be an understatement.

I could try to make some weak spiritual metaphor about how French Toast relates to justification or imputation (she imputed the goodness of the french toast and the whipped cream covers it like a...) but I’ll spare you from the half hearted metaphor.

Instead, I’d rather focus on pleasure for a moment. Many times, although I fear it is far too seldom, people talk about how God purposes our pain. They talk about how God uses our pain to point us back to him in some form or fashion. I agree and believe that is definite and certain truth. Christ promised that we’d suffer and we should count it as an honor (Paul did...). But God also created us with a desire to experience pleasure and every once and awhile we get a chance to cherish that moment. As I slowly chewed the baked blackberries that were delicately placed inside the moist toast and licked the plate clean of lemon flavored whipped cream... I thought to myself, man this is good. In moments such as that, we should take the time to enjoy the Earth that God created for us to enjoy.

John Piper states over and over again in his book Desiring God “God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in him.” Now don’t take this out of context and go off the deep end trying and experiencing the depths of lust. No, the pleasures God has laid up for us transcend anything the world could offer. But that being said, he made this Earth and declared that at one point in time it was good. For some reason He has not destroyed it to this point. In glorifying Him, let’s enjoy Him, be pleased with Him, and enjoy the things that He’s created as a demonstration of His infinite glory.

As I’ve said far too many times this week with far too much seriousness: Thank you Lord for allowing me to live in a time period of frozen coffee, MP3 players, acoustic guitars, and Beezy’s. And thank you most of all for giving me the grace to enjoy them with you.

As always: Grace and peace...

Do You See What I See?

"But you are a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him that called you out of darkness and into his wonderful light. Once you were not a people, but now you are the people of God; once you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy." 1 Peter 2:9-10

I left home and went away to college and loved it. I had the opportunity to start my life all over again and had left behind (or so I'd thought) all of the baggage of my hometown. I believed wholly and fully that I would be able to re-create myself in my new environment. In other words, this geeky nerd from the middle of no-where Michigan finally had the opportunity to become "cool". But of course, that came with a stipulation and there were certain things I would have to sacrifice for my new urge to be accepted.

What does the world see when it looks at you? The question struck me with an immense emphasis on Sunday. Often the world has been separated into two categories, those that know God and those that don't. The one's that truly know God act righteous but sometimes we have this tendency to look down on our nearsighted brethren. Believe it or not, us Christians actually forget that we are sinners saved by grace. But I'm getting onto another topic. In these two worlds, we get comfortable and forget the very concept of being one with Christ. The world looks at us and doesn't even notice us as we're coated in layers of camouflage.

So who should they see? Well 1 Peter clearly tells us that the pagans should see our good deeds and glorify God. In other words, our lives are supposed to reflect the very nature of God. The concept is heavy to say the least but we are his reflection, his chosen people. All of this means that people should be able to put their hope and trust in the God in us because our hearts should be his heart. We are ambassadors for Christ. We trust against all trust and hope against all odds. We cannot afford to be shaken by what we see because we trust in a God that is so far preparared, is so ahead of his time that our eyes aren't even equipped to see what he's already finished making. Our minds can't even comprehend the exceeding grace he has already poured out in our lives.

But can the world see this? Honestly, there are so many times in my own personal life that the answer has been a resounding no. I have invloved myself in situations which contradict my faith. But I guess that's why the apostle Paul died daily and calls us to do the same. We have to give our every fear, concern and question over to the comforter because if God's chosen people don't represent him... who will? Who will show the world redemption if the redeemed are too surrounded in darkness to do so? Light in the darkness implies that we shine or rather, that we allow Christ to shine through our lives and crucify our own selfish desires daily. This day, choose to show the world who God really is and how much he has in store for those who trust him.